just. 

just don’t move house. not ever. don’t do it. it’s not worth it. 

you will get screwed over by everyone and their dog and end up sitting in your cold, dark living room with no internet or electricity, wondering why fridges are so damned expensive. 

SIX FACTS

I was tagged by sarahsoph to do this ‘six facts’ thing which I think is just you say six facts about yourself? IDK. I figure she wouldn’t have done it if she didn’t want to actually know shit about me, so here goes (yeah this is for you Sophie) 

1. I have never lived more than a half-hour walk from the centre of my city. I realised this today after boyf and I went to look at a place in Kingston (effectively a satellite suburb 15km from the city centre). The house was lovely but I’m not sure how I would deal with being a twelve-minute drive from everything I care about. (I know that sounds like a joke but I really value having everything in my life a twenty-minute walk from my house. Call it the Hobart mentality.) 

2. I have a bookshelf full of books that I haven’t read yet. Every time I look at it I feel guilty. I used to love reading but now I’m so terrible at it - I tend to get distracted after only a few minutes. I think spending so much time on the internet/my smartphone has affected me. 

3. One of the things I hate most about living in rental properties is not being able to have a dog. I love dogs. Every time I see a picture of a puppy on the internet I start squealing. I have a pet rabbit at the moment and he’s gorgeous, but it’s just not quite the same. Pups are so cute when they get all excited cos you’ve come home and they just jump all over you. And their lil floppy ears, oh man. 

4. I’m currently in my last semester of a five-year university degree (Arts/Law) (which will have taken me six years by the time I’m finished) and graduating terrifies me. I’m so worried that I won’t be able to get a job, and that I didn’t try hard enough during uni to pack my resume with internships and work experience and volunteering, etc etc. I don’t want to be unemployed, but I also kind of don’t want to keep being a student (much as I’m sure Arts Honours would be thrilling). 

5. I used to write quite a lot (blogging, emails, journal, short stories; even the occasional poem) but now I write barely at all outside of uni work. I tell myself it’s because I’m busy being focused on uni but I think its more complex than that. Blogging frustrates me because I’m thin-skinned and I tend to get very upset when people criticise/critique my writing (even if they’re just shitty trolls). I feel like my inspiration dried up and I don’t know why. Sometimes I think maybe it’s because I’m too happy, or too comfortable with my life at the moment. idk. 

6. Sometimes my daydreams involve speculation about why boyf and I might break up in the future. Not in like a weird masochistic or fatalistic way (‘oh lord this relationship is doomed because he will never stop leaving his dirty socks on the bathroom floor’) but just kind of in that idle way of ‘this relationship seems so wonderful and perfect at the moment, I wonder what will be its eventual undoing’. 

You’re meant to tag six people after you’ve done the thing but I don’t have six people on tumblr that I care about that much so I tag mjec and onefitmodel 

so

i’ll graduate at the end of this year into an industry that is shrinking 

i have little to no experience in my field/s of interest so given the tough competition from other graduates for a tiny number of grad positions, i’m unlikely to get a job 

meanwhile the government increases the amount of money i have to pay to see a doctor, tightens eligibility restrictions for unemployment benefits etc 

the world environment is falling apart because people love money more than they care about global warming and environmental degradation 

housing prices are so high its likely i’ll never own a house but will still spend a ridiculous percentage of my income on rent 

and to even get a chance to experience all of the foregoing misery i still have to make it through this semester, for which 80% of my assessment across my four units is going to take place in a two-week period in October (and it totals something like 16,000 words) 

i don’t mind working hard, but sometimes (i.e. weeks like these) i feel like even if i was putting in double the effort i am right now, i would still be set up for failure in six or 12 months time 

some of the adults i know literally got jobs by walking down to their local business district and asking shopfronts what was available at that time 

no experience, no resume, no interview, none of it. 

now i need a five-year degree with honours, a graduate diploma, two internships, a clerkship, four+ years of volunteering experience and a recommendation from a fucking SC just to get a call-back 

and up to 80% of job vacancies aren’t advertised and are simply filled on a who-you-know basis, so it effectively doesn’t matter how great my resume-drafting skills are, or even the skills i actually have that are detailed in that resume, i still can’t get a fucking job cos i don’t find out that they exist

the idea that unemployed people can get a job if they’re just ‘dedicated’ and ‘diligent’ and ‘perseverant’ enough is so abhorrent it makes me want to puke 

graduate employment levels are at their lowest for the last twenty years or something 

like you can’t seriously tell me that people who spent three, four, five years of their lives and literally tens of thousands of dollars getting uni degrees can’t find full-time employment because they’re not trying hard enough. get fucked. 

but this is the world i’m living in. fan-fucking-tastic. 

ugh i hate everything today 

got my car registration renewal in the mail, which was fine, i wasn’t expecting it so early but i have five weeks to pay it so no worries. but enclosed with my renewal notice (i.e. a demand that i pay $600 to the government) was an advertisement for custom car numberplates. which pissed me off enormously, so i posted on twitter about it, and then got even more pissed off having an argument with two guys on twitter who defended the advertising, which somehow turned into one of them telling me i should join the labor party. i could write a whole blog post on the wrongness of sending out advertising with government communications but suffice it to say i got angry. 

then i went to school and talked to a guy who i’m kinda friends with and he went on about how transgender people are just mentally ill and how it’s in the DSM so it must be true, and he could go around telling people that he’s Napoleon and people would just ignore it but he could go around saying he’s actually a woman and everyone would have to accept that that is true??? and i didn’t get into it with him cos we’ve had arguments before and he is even more stubborn and pig-headed than i am but i was just like, how can an otherwise intelligent person be so bigoted??? 

and then on my way home, in the dark & pouring rain i.e. pretty dangerous driving conditions, an idiot taxi driver decided it wasn’t necessary to give way to me even though he was legally obliged to do so, and it was fine because i partly expected him to do it so like no accident happened or anything like that but i beeped my horn and he beeped his back and i was just like seriously??? you’re going to do the driving equivalent of yelling at me because i had a vague expectation that you would obey the road rules??? well silly fucking me. 

okay rant over. soz all. 

I’ve got a cold or the flu or something and my throat is so sore and scratchy I’m pretty sure the pitch of my voice has gone down a full octave 

I had to walk out in the middle of a full lecture today because I was coughing so much 

I literally got over my last cold only three weeks ago, this shit is ridiculous 

Tried to do some yoga in the living room.
Bun helped.

ugh i should apply for the thing cos it’s a cool opportunity and i think i’d be quite good at it but of course i’m afraid of applying for the thing because i’m always afraid of putting myself out there and failing or making a fool out of myself. much better to stick with boring routines and what i already know and am comfortable with 

I have an appointment with my psych tomorrow and I literally don’t know what we’re going to talk about. Like she’ll ask me how things are and I’ll be like ‘yeah really good’ and then ????? 

My life is actually going well 
This is basically unprecedented

Imma celebrate by eating cake and drinking wine. 

HAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA I just found out that my job no longer exists 

I am still technically employed but my role in the workplace has been entirely abolished 

Feels great man

With any luck I’ll be *actually* unemployed by the end of this month and then I’ll be a living breathing example of the ignorance and callousness of the current government 

Maybe I’ll have to move back in with my parents (lord knows they’d love that) 

YIEW 

I got my hair cut and it looks GOOD 

But now I am debilitatingly anxious and I have no idea why? Like I feel nervous and tense and I can’t relax and maybe it’s because uni results come out in a few days and I’m not confident but like… Can I plz eat lunch without having anxiety-induced nausea for two hours afterwards? 

Oh and I booked an appointment to get my hair cut, too! I was so productive today. 

Gonna have pretty hair this time tomorrow, so excited ~~ 

Things I achieved today: 

It was a good day. 

Um so Ben Folds is playing in my hometown (population ~200,000) in December which is, in and of itself, a miraculous miracle BUT even better is that I bought tickets this morning so I WILL BE SEEING BEN FOLDS LIVE IN CONCERT BEFORE THIS YEAR IS OUT 

somebody high-five me please 

mjec said: Whut?!? 

Kristof wants to do an honours year, which in Med you do between third and fourth year, and he could do it here but he’s a little swot and thinks it will improve his career prospects if he goes somewhere else to do it, and he found this place in Melbourne that was cool but then he thought, well if he’s going to go to Melbourne anyway, why not pick anywhere else in the world? And we agreed that we’d be okay with living in Germany (nice country) so that’s something that we are currently seriously looking into. I refuse to do a long-distance relationship (I think it would precipitate a very bad depression relapse for me) and we’re not really okay with breaking up so if he goes to Germany (or Melbourne, or wherever else) then I’m going with him. 

Hahaha so now we’re planning on living in Germany for a year? And this has all happened in the space of like two days? I don’t know how to feel