I’ve got a cold or the flu or something and my throat is so sore and scratchy I’m pretty sure the pitch of my voice has gone down a full octave 

I had to walk out in the middle of a full lecture today because I was coughing so much 

I literally got over my last cold only three weeks ago, this shit is ridiculous 

Tried to do some yoga in the living room.
Bun helped.

ugh i should apply for the thing cos it’s a cool opportunity and i think i’d be quite good at it but of course i’m afraid of applying for the thing because i’m always afraid of putting myself out there and failing or making a fool out of myself. much better to stick with boring routines and what i already know and am comfortable with 

I have an appointment with my psych tomorrow and I literally don’t know what we’re going to talk about. Like she’ll ask me how things are and I’ll be like ‘yeah really good’ and then ????? 

My life is actually going well 
This is basically unprecedented

Imma celebrate by eating cake and drinking wine. 

HAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA I just found out that my job no longer exists 

I am still technically employed but my role in the workplace has been entirely abolished 

Feels great man

With any luck I’ll be *actually* unemployed by the end of this month and then I’ll be a living breathing example of the ignorance and callousness of the current government 

Maybe I’ll have to move back in with my parents (lord knows they’d love that) 

YIEW 

I got my hair cut and it looks GOOD 

But now I am debilitatingly anxious and I have no idea why? Like I feel nervous and tense and I can’t relax and maybe it’s because uni results come out in a few days and I’m not confident but like… Can I plz eat lunch without having anxiety-induced nausea for two hours afterwards? 

Oh and I booked an appointment to get my hair cut, too! I was so productive today. 

Gonna have pretty hair this time tomorrow, so excited ~~ 

Things I achieved today: 

It was a good day. 

Um so Ben Folds is playing in my hometown (population ~200,000) in December which is, in and of itself, a miraculous miracle BUT even better is that I bought tickets this morning so I WILL BE SEEING BEN FOLDS LIVE IN CONCERT BEFORE THIS YEAR IS OUT 

somebody high-five me please 

mjec said: Whut?!? 

Kristof wants to do an honours year, which in Med you do between third and fourth year, and he could do it here but he’s a little swot and thinks it will improve his career prospects if he goes somewhere else to do it, and he found this place in Melbourne that was cool but then he thought, well if he’s going to go to Melbourne anyway, why not pick anywhere else in the world? And we agreed that we’d be okay with living in Germany (nice country) so that’s something that we are currently seriously looking into. I refuse to do a long-distance relationship (I think it would precipitate a very bad depression relapse for me) and we’re not really okay with breaking up so if he goes to Germany (or Melbourne, or wherever else) then I’m going with him. 

Hahaha so now we’re planning on living in Germany for a year? And this has all happened in the space of like two days? I don’t know how to feel 

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brontescribbled said: You could technically be that for yourself. You are the centre of your universe. I can’t make the perfect thing work though. No one’s perfect and you’ll always feel shit if you think you should be. 

you’re right, of course. the post was borne out of frustration, jealousy and insecurity - a desperate need for validation which i can only seem to get from other people, which is of course my entire problem. (it was also intended as tongue-in-cheek; if i want to be the centre of someone’s universe and have them think the sun shines out of my arse, i should just get a dog.) 

it’s not that i want to be perfect or think i should be; i know no one is and i know that i never will be. it’s not that i want someone else to think i’m perfect in the sense that i’m flawless or faultless; it’s more that i want someone who will love me unconditionally, even if i keep on fucking up in the exact same ways i have been for the last 23 years. i want someone who thinks that i’m worth forgiving and that i’m worth sticking around for. right now i feel that i have to constantly ‘prove’ that i am worthy of loving; that i have to compete with everyone else in the world for my share of love and attention and good. and that is very much a problem with my own brain and a problem with my own self-esteem - but that doesn’t make feeling like i’m not good enough, and will never be good enough, hurt any less right now. 

had two people unfollow me in the last 4 hours so now i’m sad 

also home alone and cold 

i just wanna eat my grilled cheese in peace ok 

getting pretty sick of waking up every morning and hearing about how the ruling elites (usually the Liberal party) have decided to fuck the country over today 

i used to be into social justice because it was, y’know, the right thing to do, and because i had an actual fucktonne of privilege that other people didn’t have and i could see the blatant unfairness in that 

this new raft of ~changes~ the government wants to see in is more likely than not going to put me in actual poverty. my parents can help me out and i’ll still be better off than millions upon millions of people, but it’s weird for me to think that at least part of the reason i’m opposed to things like GP co-contributions and ‘tightening’ of welfare eligibility is because it’s actually going to negatively affect me personally. idk. i still have an actual fucktonne of privilege and that’s not going to change because it comes from static stuff but if my life is going to be made harder by these changes then you can bet your arse that everyone else will be even worse off as well. i don’t understand this incessant need to suck money from people who are already dirt poor, instead of taking money away from people who probably won’t even notice that it’s gone. it makes me so fucking angry.