getting pretty sick of waking up every morning and hearing about how the ruling elites (usually the Liberal party) have decided to fuck the country over today
i used to be into social justice because it was, y’know, the right thing to do, and because i had an actual fucktonne of privilege that other people didn’t have and i could see the blatant unfairness in that
this new raft of ~changes~ the government wants to see in is more likely than not going to put me in actual poverty. my parents can help me out and i’ll still be better off than millions upon millions of people, but it’s weird for me to think that at least part of the reason i’m opposed to things like GP co-contributions and ‘tightening’ of welfare eligibility is because it’s actually going to negatively affect me personally. idk. i still have an actual fucktonne of privilege and that’s not going to change because it comes from static stuff but if my life is going to be made harder by these changes then you can bet your arse that everyone else will be even worse off as well. i don’t understand this incessant need to suck money from people who are already dirt poor, instead of taking money away from people who probably won’t even notice that it’s gone. it makes me so fucking angry.
i’m having a really hard time not just going back to bed and binge-watching movies with happy endings/gossip girl
i don’t know what has happened, i’m so tired and cry-y and generally unmotivated (woo depression welcome home i’m so glad you’re back)
i’ve been so good for the past six weeks, even when i was super anxious i was still getting shit done and actually trying hard
now i’m burnt out, and the holidays aren’t for another week and a half and i have three assessments tasks to do before then
also i have to get up in front of a room full of strangers and be funny tonight and right now i can’t think of anything worse
so yeah. everything is awful but i don’t have the time to crash/hide/sleep all day. someone plz do my life for me
hello people of the interwebs
i am sorry if you do not like reading text posts that are not witty or whatever but it’s late (ish) and i am tired and i need a place to throw a couple of my thoughts
i am listening to The National’s show from earlier this year at the Sydney Opera House (the full set is on YouTube) and thinking back to seeing them, the night after this set was recorded, in Melbourne, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and sometimes i don’t understand how people can be such die-hard fans of things and then i listen to The National and it makes a little more sense. it’s only music but it has the most magical effect. i somehow feel sadder and happier and melancholic and motivated and calmer and excited, all at the same time. i think it makes me appreciate being alive, a little more than usual.
our little garden out the front is flourishing; we’ve had funny-coloured (but ripe and delicious) cherry tomatoes for the past couple of weeks, and this week - if the sunshine holds out - we should have some full-size, home-grown organic tomatoes. boyfriend will eat them like apples and i will call him a weirdo and we’ll hug like losers and it will feel like home. we have sunflowers out the front, too; they’re all in disarray, they’re three metres tall and have been battered about by the wind, and they don’t seem to do that whole turning-their-faces-towards-the-sun thing that they say flowers are supposed to, but it’s magical coming home to their vibrant yellow petals anyway.
bunny has been clingy today; he has learned to jump up on my lap while i’m sitting at the table when he wants cuddles and attention and it’s equal parts annoying and adorable. we’ve gotten into a routine to the point where when i get up and get him out of his hutch for the morning, he will sit at my feet until i get him some food for breakfast. he’s lovely, although he poops everywhere, especially on the couch.
uni is kind of hard but kind of interesting; i am thinking about deleting tumblr because i spend too much time procrastinating and if ever there was a year i can’t afford to procrastinate, it’s this one. my internship is going pretty well; the person i get along with the best is the guy who is currently the boss of the office, and i figured out the other day that the reason for that is that i have a very ‘dad’ sense of humour. there are a couple of youngish people who work there who have been put in charge of ‘mentoring’ myself and the other intern, and while they are lovely, every time i try to tell a joke to them they give me this weird, slightly scared, confused look. but that’s okay.
anyway i guess the point is that things are going pretty well; i have recently developed a coffee addiction because for the first time in my entire life i’m averaging fewer than eight hours sleep per night over the course of a week and it’s a difficult thing to adjust to. but mmmm, coffee. i am looking forward to this year being over, not least because i think my father might finally be proud of me in that moment i’m walking across a stage in a funny hat to get that piece of paper that cost me tens of thousands of dollars and six years of my life. but we’ll see.
peace out x
i have been so irrationally angry lately and it’s driving me insane. i’ve been swearing at my phone because my autocorrect is fucking awful, i got angry at boyfriend the other day for trying to help me put clothes away, i just want to smash things into tiny pieces in a fit of rage. and i don’t know WHY i feel so angry. feeling angry makes me even more angry, because i don’t WANT to be angry but i don’t know how to make it go away. i think the whole thing is anxiety-related; i’ve been feeling super panicky lately and generally on-edge and again, I DON’T KNOW WHY. the fact that i don’t know why makes me even more anxious and angry and the whole thing is just fucking unbearable and i need it to go away because it’s impossible to get anything done when most of my energy is being spent on trying not to have an anxiety attack or start crying. even writing this post has made me almost boil over with rage. fucking fucking fuck.
woken up today by roofing contractors fucking around on our roof, setting up ladders, generally being GIANT FUCKING CUNTS. my boyfriend hasn’t had more than six hours sleep any night this week and these fucktards think it’s okay to come and make more noise than the fucking AFL grand final at 8AM on a fucking saturday? IT’S A FUCKING WEEKEND i am actually so angry that i want to scream, there is literally nothing i can do to make it stop, all i want to do is go back to sleep but that’s impossible and we have to go to a wedding later today so no cute afternoon naps for me! i hope they fall off the fucking roof and break their stupid, inconsiderate, selfish heads open.
so last night i had this dream that Martin Freeman and i were like, best friends or some shit, and we went to NYC together, and we got off the plane and went to this bar, where there was a girl i knew from ten years ago and some of her friends, and then Martin and i realised that we hadn’t actually collected our checked luggage when we got off the plane, so we had to go back to the airport, but then i’d forgotten to pack most of the things i needed anyway and i started freaking out and then we were just like exploring the city and i ran into a bunch of girls i know who were on a graduation trip and it was strange.
THEN i had another dream that Hobart finally got a huge shopping centre (idk maybe they filled the Myer hole or something) and i was wandering around all these shops that don’t actually exist in real life and it was strange.
My boyfriend is best man for a wedding this month and needs something to do for the buck’s night, but the groom doesn’t drink [alcohol] and none of them have any interest in strippers. Any suggestions for fun, relevant activities that he could plan?
So I’m at a party and my boyfriend, a guy I slept with once, and a good friend I hooked up with a couple times were all sitting next to each other on the couch. Bad timez.
so there are two teenagers upstairs right now, at my home, in the room right above me, and they are fooling around and possibly having sex, and i feel bad because her mother asked me to make sure this didn’t happen, but all i can think is that i hope to god they’re using protection and i’m kind of mad that they think doing this is okay in my house WHILE I AM HOME and teenagers must be really really good at having sex silently (a skill i apparently never learned) because they only ever seem to do it behind half-closed doors at odd hours of the day and i’m not a prude, really, i love sex and think it’s great that other people love sex too, but i was taken advantage of when i was fifteen and now i’m 23 and still messed up by it and i really don’t want that to happen to her.
i have my own place with the person i love, and apart from the fact that the hot water cylinder is a bit small to indulge my long-shower habit, it’s a pretty lovely house and it suits us incredibly well. we have wireless internet set up now and most of our stuff is unpacked and arranged. i am currently sitting at our dining table with a basil & lavender-scented candle burning, listening to a Van Morrison record while i wait for my pasta to cook. boyfriend will be home from work soon and we’ll probably go to sleep spooning, then wake up and have breakfast together tomorrow. things aren’t perfect, and there’s a part of me that’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, but fuck i’m happy right now.
FINALLY connected to the internet at our new house, albeit with an ethernet cable. loving the new place, hating all the fucking around that comes with moving. and there’s not much parking here, which is frustrating as boyfriend and i both have cars. SIGH. life is hard.
and now to go into exam study mode for the next two weeks. fuck.
okay so i am moving house in SIX DAYS and i am very excited. HOWEVER i don’t own very much stuff and i would now like to crowdsource ideas for affordable decorating… i mean it’s definitely going to be a student house, but i don’t want it to LOOK like a student house, y’know? i’m not a very creative or arty or stylish person but i’d like my house to look nice. so if anyone has any nifty ideas for home decor - or any places to buy nice stuff, for that matter - y’all should help a lady out :)
soooooo today we went furniture shopping and we bought a second-hand couch for like $80 and a wine rack/sideboard-y thing for $150 and it was a good time except for looking at all the beautiful antique expensive furniture that we can’t have because we’re POOR IMPOVERISHED STUDENTS but then we went and ate fish and chips and it was mostly a good day i think